Heartaches

Heartaches are the most painful & unbearable pain of all. In fact, it can kill a person. But no matter how painful it is, we have to learn how to manage it. Just let time does its job. Slowly, as time goes by, the pain will fade away. Many people will be telling me it's "easier said than done", which is true. But other than that, there is no other better remedy for heartaches.

Christmas Eve 2009

Ho ho ho!!! It's Christmas Eve again. For the past few Christmas Eves, I'm always out having a happening day & countdown to Christmas. But this year is a different one. I'm staying in at home watching TV & sleeping my day away. Hmmm, it's not bad thou, no booze, no nonsense & no hangover the next day. Ho ho ho!!! Today is the first day of my diet control plan. I'm dying to have a toned body & toned legs. So besides working out, I also need to watch my diet. LOL. Plans for tomorrow would be Day 1 work out at the Lower Seletar Reservoir. I'm gonna be gorgeous & man-killer lady at 25. It's my first 2010 resolution. ;P

2nd Day Of School Holidays

Finally, I'm done with my things & would be turning in soon. Not bad a day. Work was good. No hiccup. Just that I still have this lazy spirit in me but I believed it would be gone soon. Though I no longer rotted, lazed & daydreamed the whole day at home, still, I missed him.

1st Day Of School Holidays

Finally, today is the first day of my school holiday. I have spent my time sleeping & resting at home to recuperate from my sore throat & cold. I am recovering well. Now, I am thinking of how should I spend my holidays fruitfully. Think the first thing I should do is to recuperate & rejuvenate my emo state. I have been in the lowest point of my life long enough, it is really time I should do something about it. Or not my dad's gonna chase me out of the house with a chopper. Second thing would be to earn as much as I could now. Besides earning, I must also save. Gonna graduate in 2 months time. Think should start planning a nice getaway after I'm done with my exams. Thirdly, I am planning to use this 3 weeks break to do as much revision as I could. When my school starts, all the tests & exams are coming. Gosh!!! Gonna mug & mug. I guess this would be the most boring year end I ever have. Oh man, it's a month where people would be out enjoying & celebrating but I would be staying at home or working most of the time. But I believe all these are worth it as I would get the double the returns.

Yet To Let Him Go

I wondered if my life's getting better. Though things were slowly back on its track, what's lost had been replaced, but the hole in me was never filled. As time went by, it just made my longing for him even stronger. Many sleepless nights thinking of him. It's coming 3 months yet I still couldn't let go of him. I thought I could manage it well but after all, I was just deluding myself. The more I told my friends that I had let go, the more I had not. Part of me still holding on, hoping that 1 day he would be back in my life again. But deep inside me, I knew that chances were slim. Almost negligible. But why am I still hanging on? Haven't I torment myself enough? No matter how many guys I have met or how many ex-lovers that I have bumped into, I simply couldn't bother to take any interest in them. Because he was rooted deeply in my heart. I felt lonely & cold in my world. It was the longingness & hollowness in me that made me felt very empty.

**I'm going MIA from today onwards. I don't feel like facing this world yet. I would be uncontactable for the time being till I have recovered. Friends, do take care. Thanks for being by my side but sorry that I have let you all down. After all, I'm not as strong & tough as I appeared to be. Don't worry so much about me. Would take good care of myself.

She's Gone

Yesterday was the worst day for my whole family. My mum had left us. When she broke the news to me in the morning over our breakfast, I was pretty calm & normal. I felt nothing. However, as the evening approached & she was ready to move her belongings out, I began to feel weird. Something's not feeling right in me. I did not know if it was the numb or ache I was feeling. But I choose to ignore it & behave my usual self in front of my mum. I was the only one to see her off. But what a raining cats & dogs evening. This evening I did not like at all. Because my family was not perfect anymore. It was broken. After she had left, I knew in my heart that the family burden of taking care of my dad & siblings had fallen on my shoulders. While waiting for the rain to stop, she had a chat with me. I was the only one who knew where she's putting up. She asked me to take good care of my brothers & looked after my dad. She would be in contact with me via mobile. If I were to have any problem, I could look for her for a drink, a meal or could even stay overnight at her place. These were her words before she left. Though I did feel sad but I want her to leave this place happily. So I have put up a brave front. We both had smile on our faces as we bid each other goodbye. She looked different. She looked relieved & happy which was what my brothers & me wanted for her. Since the age of 18, she had been very dependent on my dad. This was the first time that she was on her own. I did feel worried for her but I believed she could make it alone outside. If she were to have any trouble, I would be there for her. I wished her all the best.

P.S. Mum, I love you & do live well. No matter how tough life is, never look back. Move on bravely.

Rainy Night

It is raining cats & dogs now. The weather is cold. I love rainy nights, especially during this hour. It makes the night romantic. It makes me want to walk down a street, alone in the rain with street lights over my head at this hour. It would feel so good that it is just like being in love. Rainy night like this reminds me of a friend who once told me that "the best thing to do on a rainy night is making-love"....

Wrecked Marriage

A family tree starts with a man & a woman falling in love, marry & having offspring to continue the family line. This makes them our parents. In each of the trees, they have their own individual stories. What's mine? It is a total disasterous. When parents fall out & no longer have love for each other, things in the family eventually get screwed. When there is an involvement in monetary problem, things get even nastier. Unfortunately, they are my stories. Things between my parents have reached a point that now they are at war. It is a "You want to be cruel? I can be even more cruel than you!!! Let's see who will be the last man standing?" war. Knowing & hearing the situation & things involved, I realized my parents have never think about their children feelings & their well-being. Do they know that though on the surface we may appear to be ignorant but actually we feel sad for them. We do feel hurt. I have always wondered why my parents are so different from the others. I miss those happy moments with my family & my parents' loving days. But those moments are short-lifed just like fireworks. I regretted taking those time for granted. I know those days will never come back into my life again. No matter what the outcome is, I know I must not let the situation affects my studies, work & life. I know I must be strong.

一个人的精彩

My sky used to be gloomy. Everything in my world looked bleak. Those were the tough days. I was once lost, been a troublemaker for people around me & had thrown myself into a slump. It was when things got out of hands & a massive breakdown that I finally woke up. No matter what had happened, life still has to move on because time waited for no one.

I still have a long path in front of me. I still have a future. I have dreams to achieve. I want to live a good life. This time, I will live for myself.

Goodbye to my oldself.

Over You

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

P.S. Everything's over, DW.